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A day off?

Day off

An employee comes into her manager’s office to take a day off from work.

The manager replies, “So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off!”

The patient guest

“Waiter, waiter, how long have you worked here?” “Only two weeks, sir.” “Then it can’t be you who took my order.”

Too many supervisors

Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job. “ Why did the supervisor fire you?” the friend asked in surprise.  “Oh,” Peter said, “you know how supervisors are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.” “We all know that,” replied his friend. “But why did he dismissContinue Reading

Dread the thought!

“Why do footballers wear shorts?” “Because they would be arrested if they didn’t.”

What does it mean? ;)

The company is looking for someone with: “Good communication skills.” So what does that mean? Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. 😉  

It might be time to run

Head scientist: “This gas is a deadly poison. What steps would you take if it escaped?” Young scientist: “Large ones, sir!”

The interview

The Managing Director was interviewing a young lady for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality and so asked her the following question: “If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?” The young lady replied, “The living one.”

To make you smile

Guest: “Waiter, waiter, the service here is terrible.” Waiter: “If you think the service is terrible, wait until you see the food!”

Meetings on a Friday afternoon?

One Managing Director always scheduled meetings late on a Friday afternoon. One of the employees finally decided to ask his boss why. The boss replied, “It’s very simple really. Friday is the only time of the week when no-one seems to want to argue with me.”

India’s around the corner?

Teacher: “How far is it to India?” Susan: “Well, it can’t be too far. My friend Rulie comes from India, and she goes home for her dinner every day.”